**note: this post has the potential to be very long. But since its been almost a year since I posted, stick with me :) I'm hoping to revive this blog with pictures and stories as we go to Thailand so our family and friends in America can stay in touch with our lives. This post is the beginning of that starting with a few of my little processings about moving :)
Adapting to a new community is not a walk-in-the-park for me. And when I say community I mean church, neighborhood, ministry - all of it. Ask my husband. He knows. Looking back on the past year there is regret and mistakes. There are countless joys, memories, and friendships. There are also lies that would love to take root in my heart from disappointments and struggles. It's difficult to sift through what I "could have done differently" and the sorrow that impacted our first year of marriage with the passing of Asher's mom. God extends grace when life feels out of control. Sometimes we need to learn to give that grace to ourselves.
My husband is a starter and visionary. Doing one thing for years and years is not his forte. I really love this about him...it sounds like an interesting life. =) I like that. We don't know what God has for our future, but it could mean more moves and changes of community. I'm not naive to the fact that change and learning to belong in a place is not my forte. The other day I showed him a blog I was reading that said it takes seven years to acclimate and belong in a community. "See, this is why!" I told him :) He has been very understanding and caring. Moves haven't been easy for him either.
So...since I'm moving to Community #2 before our second year of marriage...I feel a need to process things...and to learn. Here are a few notes I jotted down in my journal that aren't necessarily things I feel I've learned well...just things for me to grow in and remember. Every point has a story or thought behind it. And most of these were realized and learned the hard way.
#1 CONNECTION with God is ultimately what conquers loneliness. My heart is most lonely when I'm not connected to Him.
#2 INITIATING relationships may feel like the responsibility of my new community, but that doesn't mean that's how it will be. Actually, most likely a lot of initiating will have to happen on my part. This is no fault to them - it's just that they're used to doing life in their community without me. It's important to find someone to invest in and become vulnerable with even if it feels uncomfortable.
#3 VISITORS are a huge blessing - but if it causes us to sacrifice local community and ministry we often end up feeling out of touch and lonely. Sometimes it is worth saying "Not right now" to visitors.
#4 STRETCH ourselves by hosting people out of our comfort zone. We will probably be the ones richly blessed.
#5 A NEW COMMUNITY already has its rhythm and way of life before we get there. Become an observer and server. Don't push for significance. Though, my tendency can be to resign to the fact that I'm not needed or have a place to belong. I need to look for ways to use my gifts and personality when tempted to feel out of place and useless.
#6 BALANCE the "letting go" of old community/friends and staying in touch. It can help with the "new-community-blues" to call an old friend.
#7 TIME is the friend of relationships whether with church, in-laws, neighborhood, or ministry. I think I should star, underline twice, and highlight this one.
#8 FEAR and SELF-FOCUS are the enemy of relationships and belonging.
#9 PURPOSE and calling in a new community is important. Although I want my dreams and purpose to always be intertwined with my husbands and nurturing our children, being needed, called, and finding purpose wherever we live is an important part of surviving and thriving there.
#10 A HOUSE with no memories is just a house. That is how Drew Street felt for awhile but memories and life lived make anywhere HOME. (my friend Gina pointed this one out. Thanks Gina...it's so very true!)
#11 BE A LEARNER. I will make mistakes. I will probably struggle to adapt to new places (sorry if that sounds pessimistic)...but always let God use it to shape me rather than give ground to the enemy for loneliness, rejection, and lies.
#12 IT'S OK TO FEEL whatever I'm feeling. Culture shock will come. There will be times of feeling like a new community is strange and hard to understand. There will be times of loving it and hating it. There will be homesickness. There will be longing for the familiar and to know and be known. The key in this for me is to choose gratitude for all God has given and is doing!
#13 IF LIVING CLOSE to family be intentional about "leaving and cleaving"...even though it is a huge gift to have them close by!
#14 COMPARISON is CARNALITY. Rick Rhodes taught about this once, and I remembered it. It's so true. It's far too easy to compare gifts, personality, and another person's journey with my own in the new place I live, and any time really. It's paralyzing from loving, giving, sharing and belonging. I need to see the bigger picture of how God is weaving each one of us into His redemptive story.
#15 "YOU WILL HAVE THE LORD for an everlasting light." This promise from Isaiah 60:19 was one God gave me in the middle of adapting to LA and praying about moving to Thailand. It gives me hope in each new move, each new change, and each new day to live. I will always have Him.
[tw]
I know I'm not the first one to move to a new community, country, or city. Many of you have done it! I would love to hear what YOU have found helpful when making a move to a new place...I know it would help me! Drop me a comment and tell me about it. =)
*image courtesy of freeimages.com
"Never be afraid when God brings back the past. Let memory have its way. It is the minister of God with its rebuke and chastisement and sorrow. God will turn the "might have been" into a wonderful culture for the future." Oswald ChambersI've thought of the above quote many times recently. Processing the past eighteen months of life in Los Angeles has filled my journal pages lately...and the move to Thailand that is coming in two months. I can honestly say that it has been good to "let memory have its way". I can't separate the two...here and there. My experience here influences there.
Adapting to a new community is not a walk-in-the-park for me. And when I say community I mean church, neighborhood, ministry - all of it. Ask my husband. He knows. Looking back on the past year there is regret and mistakes. There are countless joys, memories, and friendships. There are also lies that would love to take root in my heart from disappointments and struggles. It's difficult to sift through what I "could have done differently" and the sorrow that impacted our first year of marriage with the passing of Asher's mom. God extends grace when life feels out of control. Sometimes we need to learn to give that grace to ourselves.
My husband is a starter and visionary. Doing one thing for years and years is not his forte. I really love this about him...it sounds like an interesting life. =) I like that. We don't know what God has for our future, but it could mean more moves and changes of community. I'm not naive to the fact that change and learning to belong in a place is not my forte. The other day I showed him a blog I was reading that said it takes seven years to acclimate and belong in a community. "See, this is why!" I told him :) He has been very understanding and caring. Moves haven't been easy for him either.
So...since I'm moving to Community #2 before our second year of marriage...I feel a need to process things...and to learn. Here are a few notes I jotted down in my journal that aren't necessarily things I feel I've learned well...just things for me to grow in and remember. Every point has a story or thought behind it. And most of these were realized and learned the hard way.
#1 CONNECTION with God is ultimately what conquers loneliness. My heart is most lonely when I'm not connected to Him.
#2 INITIATING relationships may feel like the responsibility of my new community, but that doesn't mean that's how it will be. Actually, most likely a lot of initiating will have to happen on my part. This is no fault to them - it's just that they're used to doing life in their community without me. It's important to find someone to invest in and become vulnerable with even if it feels uncomfortable.
#3 VISITORS are a huge blessing - but if it causes us to sacrifice local community and ministry we often end up feeling out of touch and lonely. Sometimes it is worth saying "Not right now" to visitors.
#4 STRETCH ourselves by hosting people out of our comfort zone. We will probably be the ones richly blessed.
#5 A NEW COMMUNITY already has its rhythm and way of life before we get there. Become an observer and server. Don't push for significance. Though, my tendency can be to resign to the fact that I'm not needed or have a place to belong. I need to look for ways to use my gifts and personality when tempted to feel out of place and useless.
#6 BALANCE the "letting go" of old community/friends and staying in touch. It can help with the "new-community-blues" to call an old friend.
#7 TIME is the friend of relationships whether with church, in-laws, neighborhood, or ministry. I think I should star, underline twice, and highlight this one.
#8 FEAR and SELF-FOCUS are the enemy of relationships and belonging.
#9 PURPOSE and calling in a new community is important. Although I want my dreams and purpose to always be intertwined with my husbands and nurturing our children, being needed, called, and finding purpose wherever we live is an important part of surviving and thriving there.
#10 A HOUSE with no memories is just a house. That is how Drew Street felt for awhile but memories and life lived make anywhere HOME. (my friend Gina pointed this one out. Thanks Gina...it's so very true!)
#11 BE A LEARNER. I will make mistakes. I will probably struggle to adapt to new places (sorry if that sounds pessimistic)...but always let God use it to shape me rather than give ground to the enemy for loneliness, rejection, and lies.
#12 IT'S OK TO FEEL whatever I'm feeling. Culture shock will come. There will be times of feeling like a new community is strange and hard to understand. There will be times of loving it and hating it. There will be homesickness. There will be longing for the familiar and to know and be known. The key in this for me is to choose gratitude for all God has given and is doing!
#13 IF LIVING CLOSE to family be intentional about "leaving and cleaving"...even though it is a huge gift to have them close by!
#14 COMPARISON is CARNALITY. Rick Rhodes taught about this once, and I remembered it. It's so true. It's far too easy to compare gifts, personality, and another person's journey with my own in the new place I live, and any time really. It's paralyzing from loving, giving, sharing and belonging. I need to see the bigger picture of how God is weaving each one of us into His redemptive story.
#15 "YOU WILL HAVE THE LORD for an everlasting light." This promise from Isaiah 60:19 was one God gave me in the middle of adapting to LA and praying about moving to Thailand. It gives me hope in each new move, each new change, and each new day to live. I will always have Him.
[tw]
I know I'm not the first one to move to a new community, country, or city. Many of you have done it! I would love to hear what YOU have found helpful when making a move to a new place...I know it would help me! Drop me a comment and tell me about it. =)
*image courtesy of freeimages.com
Nodding my head in agreement and relating with you on each one [except for maybe #3 (you may send any visitors to us, btw ;P) and #13 :)]
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you are thinking about blogging again!!
Thanks for posting this...I really needed to hear this today [esp. #1, #5, #8!!].
Praying for you often as you go through all the changes...
<3 you.
-your little sis
oh Monica, I thought of you guys when I was writing this...and how you know about this too (except for maybe #3 (which we really do LOVE visitors too, just to clarify :) and #13 (which you will know about someday ;) Love you lots...and can't wait to see you in 2 MONTHS!!!!
DeleteAhh, so so good for me to read this, Teresa! Thank you! Having moved last fall, this is very pertinent to my life. I can try and try to remind myself to be grateful for everything I love here, and everything God has given and done for us, but the truth remains, we still made a big move, and there are still adjustments and time and patience and lessons for me to learn...and I want to be okay with the process. Thank you so much...and blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteRachel! Thanks for your comment. I've thought of you guys so often and the many huge/life changing things that have happened to you this year. It was really good for me to hear what you shared. I think sometimes it's tempting to think that because Asher and I BOTH feel we should go to Thailand (different from when I moved to LA - I moved to LA because he was here, not because I felt called to LA ;) that things will be so much easier...but the reality is there will still be adjustments and so many things to learn...it will still be a process to belong and become a part of the community there too. Blessings to you as you continue to make TX home!!
DeleteI love this. :) I probably will be referring to this post in the future. Thanks for sharing, Teresa. I'm gonna miss you. :(
ReplyDeleteI have been blessed to watch you make LA home and yet hear how you are real with it too! :) Going to miss you also!
DeleteThanks for being courageous enough to share this!
ReplyDelete"God extends grace when life feels out of control. Sometimes we need to learn to give that grace to ourselves." Something I am S-L-O-W-L-Y needing to learn, too.
"#12 IT'S OK TO FEEL whatever I'm feeling." This is true for many/all areas of life!
Although my moves to new communities were very different from yours, I can identify with a number of your points...maybe it's because I've been trying to figure out how to move to a "new life"...both in the sense of moving further into adulthood and, now, more recently, moving on without Mom. {Or maybe some of them are just very applicable to "mission" life.}
So, thanks for sharing! I hope to hear much more from you!
thanks for commenting, Carita, and for what you shared! I'm so challenged as I see you live these things out and be real with it all. I see so much grace in you! love you lots and am going to miss you! [and we really do love visitors...especially when it's family. hint hint :)]
DeleteI enjoyed reading your list. #1, #7, and #14 especially resonate with me. The funny thing is, moving back 'home' after having been away a number of years can be nearly as difficult as moving to a new area. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteoh that's so very true, Rosita! Are you going through that right now?? Blessings!
DeleteReally enjoyed this post, Teresa! I especially identified with #2, #5, and #7. I've often wondered why it seems like the newbie has to do most of the iniating in a new community, but you explained it very well. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeletethanks for your comment, Kristin! =)
DeleteThis is well written and puts words to so many things that I haven't put good words to as we adjust to life in Lanc. Co. after nearly 10 years in Brooklyn. So glad I found this post at such a time. Thanks for your vulnerability. (P.S. I am Marlena's sister. :) )
ReplyDeleteWe moved 3 times in our 2 years of marriage, to places that we knew absolutely no one. I always enjoy time alone and am maybe too introverted and independent, but this season is teaching me the value of all friends, old and new. In experiencing #2, the 'do unto others as you would have them do to you" really resonates with me as far as reaching out to new people, and just generally being hospitable. Maybe it's the hard lesson. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDelete